October 30, 2012 | Posted in:Childhood, Family, Parenting, Writing

hot-coffee

There’s a certain degree of freedom that comes with posting the day after a major storm event. Many people are without power and unable to read this, so we can basically say anything we want about them, because hey, it’s not like what you say on the internet is forever, right?

Grab some coffee; let’s get started. How about your sister-in-law? She’s a real piece of work, eh?

We didn’t see any major damage from the storm in my area of Ontario last night, although a woman in Toronto was killed by flying debris. I hope she died instantly.

Wow. You know things are bad when an instant death is the best you have to offer in the way of comfort.

The damage to some areas in the east is just heartbreaking. It seems like such a simple thing, but if we lost our maple tree I would be heartbroken. That’s where my son learned to climb.

It’s also where he learned that squirrels are territorial, and not at all the friendly woodland creatures their storybook representation implies.

Luckily we escaped power outages here last night. The power flickered, but didn’t go out for any length of time and at the first interruption I heard my son hightail it downstairs for the protection his sister’s company offered. I was in the bath, having decided that no one would help us should we need it if I greeted them in a three-days unshowered state.

Before I got in the bath I instructed the kids to stay away from the windows and showed them how to bypass the child safety on the BBQ lighter. I also brewed some coffee in case we had no power in the morning. It’s all about preparation, friends.

But it was hard to relax listening to the wind blowing through our backyard. It made a terrifying screaming sound as it pushed through the collection of broken toys and errant pieces of lawn furniture hidden in the wet grass. I had spent most of the day outside trying to get the yard storm ready and to prevent Tonka Trucks from becoming yellow missiles hell-bent on killing my neighbours as they took frightened dogs out to pee in the storm. The canvas gazebo roof proved to be a bit of a challenge to get down all by myself, but as the old adage goes, “Give a determined woman a broom handle and a broken ladder and there’s no telling what she’ll accomplish,” or something like that. (Bonus: I invented several new swear words. I’m work-shopping them this week and will get back to you if they get the go-ahead.)

I found Twitter great for keeping on top of breaking storm news, at least until the idiots with photoshop came a tweetin’. I’ll admit I almost bought the skyline ones, but you lost me at Godzilla in the New York Harbour. I had been following CNN, but not for long because I find it hard to watch now that they’ve changed their primary target demographic to “toddlers with access to the liquor cabinet.” I had been tuned in for only five minutes when the anchor informed me that “hurricanes bring lots of rain and big winds.” Well, thank you, CNN! I had been blaming the heavy rain on Republicans until your in-depth weather system analysis!

I did feel bad for CNN’s Ali Velshi, though. He had to stand outside in the rain and floodwaters all day, which must have sucked. Although being able to pee in your pants unnoticed on national television would probably be fun.
Wherever you are today, I hope that you are warm and safe and dry.

Or at the very least that you were able to get some coffee.

  • http://speedskatingmom.com Sharon

    Did you know you can turn any word into a curse word by adding ‘hole to it?

    zipperhole
    rosehole
    monkeyhole
    stairhole
    glasshole

    It’s endless.

    • http://highlyirritable.wordpress.com Jeni

      Thank you! I am going to be all over this today. ;)

    • http://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl

      That is awesome! Did you know you can do the same thing with adding butt? Just ask my four year old, she came up with it.

      • http://www.facebook.com/kara.nutt Kara Nutt

        My 5 year old son uses chickenbutt all the time right now… I figure, eh, it could be worse.

        • http://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl

          I made the mistake of bringing the whole SNL “Know what, chickenbutt” saying up when my son was in kindergarten.

          I love your last name, Kara! My last name is Almond. :-)

          • http://www.facebook.com/kara.nutt Kara Nutt

            Anytime I’ve subbed I always start off with, “I’m Mrs. Nutt. I always was a nut but I had to get married to get the title.” Stops them from cracking the jokes and we can get on with the lesson. :)

      • http://highlyirritable.wordpress.com Jeni

        Yep. As far as suffix go, “butt” is a big one here, too. I FEEL YER PAIN.

  • http://jackstrawlanedotcom.wordpress.com Katja

    When you publish your book of old (totally fake and newly invented) adages I’d like a signed copy.

    • http://highlyirritable.wordpress.com Jeni

      I am shopping agents as we speak.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kara.nutt Kara Nutt

    So very nice of you to think of your neighbors like that. I looked at our toy strewn lawn yesterday and though, “Screw it.” and had another cup of coffee in the event I was unable to have my normal 2 pots today. :)

    Thankfully, we seemed to be in a calm bubble as the wind and rain was minor and the storm seemed to swirl around to the west of us.

  • http://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl

    I don’t watch the news, but I heard all about everything on Facebook from various people. Which reporter was the one that I heard was standing waist deep in flood water? I missed that one. I saw some of the photoshopped pictures. There were a lot of people who had way too much time on their hands!

    So glad that you escaped the worst in your area. These are the days I’m glad I live in Iowa. We have tornadoes, but for the most part the devastation is pretty localized when they do strike, and we have a pretty safe basement.

    I saw Coffee Talk as the title of your post, and I had a flashback of Mike Myers on SNL on their “Coffee Talk”- “I’m all Verklempt!” :-) Did I just date myself or what?

    • http://highlyirritable.wordpress.com Jeni

      I loved “Coffee Talk.” :) Talk amongst yourselves….

      • http://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl

        I was going to say your post was “like buttah, a big stick a buttah”, but wasn’t sure how it would be taken had you not known the reference…

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  • http://www.dontlickthedeck.com Tara (nerdgirlmom)

    I enjoyed reading this, as one of the lucky ones with power that is able to patrol the internet for juicy gossip. And yes, I cannot believe my SIL. I am looking forward to learning these new swear words, as I feel that I didn’t have nearly enough to drawn on while removing my own gazebo top yesterday. I wasn’t convinced it had to come down, until my friend reminded me of who I am and what my luck is like.

    • http://highlyirritable.wordpress.com Jeni

      I’m glad you have a good friend who looks out for you. ;)

  • http://freepennypress.wordpress.com free penny press

    Living in Hurricane Alley (FLA) we don’t even blink twice anymore at huricanes, as long as the Coffeepot is generator compatible, life is good..
    Glad all is well up in your part of le world!

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