Facebook is making me feel bad. Too many of my “friends” are having fun and interesting lives, and it is starting to depress me by comparison. I receive live updates all day long about how fantastic things are for them and while the truth is that I am happy for them because they deserve every happiness, it does make one examine their own state. But keep it coming, I say, because I love seeing happy holiday pictures and contented messages. That way, I can live vicariously through your updates.
But with my own life currently being held together with dollar store duct tape, I have to sometimes dig deep in order to post anything other than “Eh…” as my status. I’m going to start making stuff up to post, just to make myself appear less pathetic. If you suddenly notice that I am dating a future prince, spending the day overseeing the washing of my yacht or flashing my newest bauble, this is your heads up that it is PROBABLY NOT REAL. (Although the PM assures me that he is indeed descended from the Royal House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg. You can start calling me “Your Royal Highness” now if you’d like. You know what? Just do it anyway.)
But other than that, the other stuff is purely fictious. From now on I am going to “Fakebook.”
I’m going to have to in order to maintain some street cred. See for yourself; here are a random sampling of typical comments I read daily, as compared with my current reality below:
Woke up to hubby serving me eggs Benedict in bed!
Woke up and couldn’t breathe. Thought I had pneumonia, but it was just my 5-year-old sitting on my chest and sticking his fingers in my nose.
Just had a great review at work! Boss said he’s overly impressed with my accomplishments. Received a huge raise and new great benefit package, too!
Got paper back with a “C+” Prof says I am “capable of more” if only I were to “apply myself and dedicate more time to research.” I hope my next essay is on what dog breed I will never buy , or the special attributes of a “Fire Type Maxus Draganoid Bakugan.”
Bank made error and doubled my savings account interest this month. For my honesty in reporting they are letting me keep it! Drinks on me!
Considered asking the optometrist if the kids could rake her yard in exchange for exam and new glasses. If she says no, I’m having a drink.
Apple picking at the local organic orchard. Been invited to stay for wagon rides and cookout.
Ran out of gas on Main Street while heading to store for hotdog buns. Smelly guy on adult tricycle offered me a ride home in his carrier. Who knew a milk crate duct taped to a bike fender could be so comfy?
Came home to find house sparkling! Forgot cleaners were coming today.
Came home to find two unflushed toilets.
Only two more days until we are sipping Champagne Mimosas ocean side on our annual three-week getaway to Fiji! Off to get more sunscreen!
Only two more days until my annual root canal. Apparently my teeth are made of sponge toffee. Off to get more Advil!
Nighttime stories read, prayers done, dinner dishes washed…now sweetie and I watching “When Harry met Sally.”
Hid Bakugan comics to avoid reading to son, used Lord’s name in vain (twice), put paper plates in over flowing garbage can…now watching Biggest Loser and eating ½ bag stale M&M’s I found under couch.
Drifting off to sleep after a great massage by hubby.
Went to bed, only to realize sheets and blanket were in dryer and still wet. Raked Lego off couch and crashed with oatmeal crusted throw pillow and hair dye stained beach towel.
But it’s not all bad. I “like” all their great news and hope their luck continues. But if it doesn’t, I am here to commiserate, because sometimes an authentic “been there, done that” is just what you need to feel better, or to at least feel that you are not the only one living the blooper reel from “Married with Children”, except in my case without the “Married” part.
Then, last night, along came the proverbial “kick in the chops.” A pop-up message appeared in my Facebook side bar. The man behind the curtain noticed I have several mutual friends with another member, and urged me to accept a “suggestion” to become “friends” and “reconnect” with this person.