Lost and almost found out
For Easter this year we had dinner on Saturday night with some family and friends. I went prepared and wore my special ‘turkey eating’ pants and doubled up my blood pressure meds, so I could really
get my money’s worth show appreciation for the generous offered bounty. I ate my special secret breakfast which adequately stretches my stomach capacity and ensures a raging hunger come dinner time to allow for maximum intake. I’d love to tell you about it, but it’s a complicated science, involving protein to carbohydrate ratios and amino acid percentages…you get the idea. My sister and I have spent years analysing formulas, losing and gaining (mostly gaining) pounds in the quest for perfection. I may not be able to figure out my age without a calendar or calculate a tip on a $10 check, but if the world was going to explode in T minus 30 and the only solution lay under a 100 foot high column of gravy topped mashed potatoes, I’m your gal.
Because I consider it a personal defeat to leave festivities while there is still meat on a carcass, we didn’t leave until it was quite late. When we got home I was ready to fall into the sweet abyss of a baked ham and turkey coma, but remembered that I hadn’t yet hidden the Easter eggs. The kids were still awake at 9:30pm and my choices were getting more limited as the night went on. I had two viable options, as far as I could tell:
- Put all the eggs under the middle couch cushion.
- Do some Tequila shots to induce short-term memory loss, thereby ensuring a fun morning hunt for everyone.
I also had to consider the fact that my kids are getting pretty savvy and I may need to take it up a notch. It’s no fun just turning over pillows or discovering eggs in all of the easy reach drawers.
But next year I need to start the hiding eggs bit earlier. I was up to my elbows in water, taping a Ziploc bag with an egg inside it to the bottom of the toilet tank when I was almost busted by a 6-year-old making a middle of the night bathroom visit.
I was able to recover though, by pretending I was just putting the vodka back.