| Posted in:Family, Writing

hermit shack1 On being a hermit

I could easily embrace the hermit lifestyle. I’d be happy with a shack in the woods if the shack was a bungalow in the suburbs with a large grocery retailer and liquor store nearby. And a library. And maybe a doctor; that’s probably important for hermits, what with all the tetanus risk.

But I definitely have hermit-like tendencies. Immediately after I’m extended an invitation I start thinking of ways to get out of doing/going/participating is said activity. I should probably keep a list though, because you can only break a finger or have a bladder infection so many times before people call the authorities on your behalf.

It’s not that I don’t like people; I’d even say that I can be quite extroverted. I have no fear of speaking in public, I’m not generally shy, and I don’t have an issue dealing with others. (Unless they’re assholes. But who can tolerate being surrounded by assholes, besides every single person who works at FOX News?)

Once I actually get to an event, I’m almost always glad I went. I enjoy myself and never once think that I would have been better off had I stuck with my original plan of staying on the couch eating Nutella from the jar with my fingers and crying over “M*A*S*H” reruns.

If I have a project on the go, my hermit tendencies become very strong. Right now I am working on redecorating projects of varying degrees in our living room, kitchen, and my daughter’s bedroom. These projects have become especially difficult because my family isn’t shy about offering helpful comments like: “Well, if you’re aiming for something with a urine undertone, that paint colour DOES work,” or “Our living room is going to look like a tobacco stained bingo hall,” or “Not sure I’m loving the ‘baby-crap’ gone berserk colour theme.” Or my favourite so far, “Oh my God, Mommy! Why are you ruining our lives and destroying our childhoods with your horrible decorating ideas?”

You’d think that with people like this in my house, I’d want to get out more.

But who could help but hermitize (made it up! just now!) when there are things like this on the internet to read from your cluttered but comfortable “Interstate Gas Station Bathroom” coloured office:

McSweeney’s always gots exelllant advice, this time for writers who’d wanna be writin’ more gooder:  “The Ultimate Guide to Writing Better Than You Normally Do.” Check out their “Open Letters” page, too. Bring a drink, and teach your children how to use the toaster oven; because you’ll be there awhile.

One of my favourite blogs is Finslippy; read how Germany made the book Alice and Eden wrote even funnier. This is what happens when you tell Germany to “Let’s Panic about Babies!”

To sum up my week, in two tweets:

highly irritable twitter On being a hermit

highly irritable twitter 21 On being a hermit

You can also find me at MamaPop.com, where this week I wrote about how Taylor Swift   ruins everything.

Have a great week!

  • http://laugh-lines.net/ Vikki Claflin

    I’m laughing out loud at this post! You are too funny!

    • http://highlyirritable.wordpress.com Jeni

      Thanks, Vikki. Wait…your browser didn’t time out before you added “lookin’” right? ;)

  • http://jackstrawlanedotcom.wordpress.com Katja

    Try using a small spatula instead of your fingers next time. Maximum scoop-ability with minimal effort.

    • http://highlyirritable.wordpress.com Jeni

      I knew we’d be friends.

  • http://bodhimoments.wordpress.com bodhimoments

    I’ve said that, or, thereabouts. “Eat the rest of your breakfast, while I wash the previous portion of breakfast out of your pants and blow dry them”

  • http://twitter.com/GDRPempress Mrs. Pitt (@GDRPempress)

    Once I actually get to an event, I’m almost always glad I went

    Me too. It’s how I get myself to do things. “well, you met so and so last time.”

  • http://sendmetoparis.wordpress.com Chantal Saville

    ‘Hermitize’ … Can I borrow that one?

    • http://highlyirritable.wordpress.com Jeni

      Sure! I couldn’t find the little “TM” symbol, so it’s yours for the taking.

  • http://onefunnymotha.wordpress.com One Funny Motha

    I’ve said the same thing. I really want to like people – it’s just that they make it so hard for me.

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