May 13, 2012 | Posted in:Family, Holidays, Parenting, Writing

This morning I awoke to a loud bang. That in itself is not unusual, as I woke up to a bang the night before. The noise the night before was my 7 year-old son and his friend rearranging the furniture, setting up a fort at 12:30 am so they could sleep “Survivorman” style in the jungle that is our living room. So nothing unusual there.

But the bang this day was not the same sound as two Ikea Jenny Lund armchairs being balanced atop an Extorp slip-covered sofa.

This was something the iPod sound effect app would call ”head hitting glass.” I went into the living room and pulled back the curtains. There on the glass was a small feather and a smudge of what I can only assume used to be the control centre of a flying creature. I looked for the inevitable fallout on the lawn below. There it was, a small bird – a chickadee, probably, in the dirt of my weed-filled flowerbed. A squirrel  made his way to the carnage and looked down at the poor twitching bird. I could see the empathy in the squirrel’s eyes as he sized up the dying bird.

I realized that I was about to witness a rare moment of empathy in nature. This furry woodland creature was going to care for this bird in his last moments. I started to call out to my sleeping children so that they too, could witness this beautiful moment in nature.

The squirrel tucked his little(paw? arm?) anyway, he put his small front hinged appendage under the birds broken neck and raised the bird up gently and then ATE HIS FREAKING HEAD, Ozzy Osbourne style.


Instead of waking my children to see this event, they were instead woken by their hysterical mother screaming, “No! NO! It’s eating it’s head! IT’S EATING HIS GODDAMN HEAD!”

When I checked the spot later, there remained only a few feathers and a sizeable portion of my innocence.

When my daughter gave me this Mother’s Day card later, she said she’ll add a “witness no birds being eaten” line for next year:

  • Amanda

    OMG I. I don’t think I have any actual words for this. OMG.

  • Zen

    Holy crap. o.o Can squirrels even do that?

    That was a horrifying mental image. My sympathies to you! And I hope that – besides the squirrel & bird incident – you had a happy Mother’s Day!

  • Everyday Commotion

    That is too funny! Love the card your daughter made. So practical LOL

  • Jen


  • Robin Nowak

    only you.
    I am laughing out loud to no one in this Bug’s Life movie playing house. Well, the cats are around but are currently upstairs terrified by a friend’s rat terrier that I’m babysitting for the next 10 days. And he’s outside. And I thought they would figure it out by now.
    somehow you’ve made my day with this.
    I’m sure it’s a good thing we don’t live in the same neighborhood. ;)

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  • ldafonte

    I thought my Mother’s Day was off to a bad start when I woke up to find that my 3 year old daughter’s goldfish had died.. and we later had to have a chat about “death.” Yours was more traumatic though. Wow.

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