Anyone got a pet bear?

October 28, 2012 | Posted in humor, Weekly Round-up, Writing | By

Hungry-bear

I smell misogyny and stupidity around here somewheres…

When I was in grade four, every few weeks our teacher would get the “This bullshit is not what I signed up for” look on her face, and we knew what was coming. Those were the days we’d get an extra long recess, and once inside she’d announce it was “Ketchup Day.”

“Ketchup Day” was actually “catch-up” day. She’d have us correct each other’s spelling errors and finish our chicken-scratch longhand journal entries. We’d complete construction paper art projects that lay fading on the sunny window ledge, and generally do whatever the hell we wanted, provided we left her alone to read the newspaper, and – I’m fairly certain – sob quietly. This post is not that kind of catch-up, although I will understand if you cry after reading it.

So; the week:

I don’t get political on my blog, but it’s probably fairly obvious where I fall on the left/right spectrum if you’ve read here for more than a week or so. But political affiliations aside, there is some Capital N Nutso bullshit going on down there in the States. I’m not much for the MMA Fighting circuit, but I would donate all the hair on my head to see Donald Trump and Ann Coulter fight each other in a Celebrity Death Match. I just do not understand the hatred and vitriol behind their intentions.  I’m not going to make jokes about Donald Trump’s hair, or Ann Coulter’s “pointiness” here. Instead, let’s concentrate on where the ugly really shows: in their words, and in their actions.

As for the nice this week, I found out that my writing portfolio was reviewed and accepted by The School for Writers at Humber in Toronto. It’s a year-long program where writers concentrate on a single piece of their work, while working closely with a writing mentor. It’s a self-paced program, so I won’t need to be in school full-time, thereby meaning we probably won’t starve to death this winter. Probably.

I also wrote in some other places this week. I wrote about Christina Aguilera’s hatred of underwear at MamaPop, and over at iVillage.ca I’m talking about why I’d rather shave my armpits with a grapefruit spoon than take my kids snowsuit shopping.

And The Huffington Post featured me in their round-up of funny parenting tweets. Any time I’m called funny and it’s not in reference to my appearance, I’m happy. If you’re not already on Twitter, you need to be. Come over.

My blog was also featured by WordPress.com as “Freshly Pressed” this last week. It was great for having new visitors, and I have a long list of blogs I’d like to visit back. I was out of town and without my computer when I found out I was going to be featured, otherwise I would have dusted and perhaps put out a cheese and cracker tray.

Have a great week, everyone!

Oh, except you, Donald Trump and Ann Coulter. I also kinda hope you’re both eaten by bears.

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Sunday Salmagundi Stew. And THAT folks, is called alliteration. I love words. That’s called “logophilia.” I will stop now.

May 27, 2012 | Posted in Family, Parenting, Writing | By

This type of “round-up” post  isn’t a new premise – this “other places I’ve been” thing –  and I don’t profess to have invented it. You’ve eaten toast before, right? I bet you’ve even told people about all the great toast you’ve eaten. BUT YOU DIDN’T INVENT IT. (Or maybe you did. I sometimes assume things about people. I’m working on that.) The Bloggess writes one of my favourite roundups here.

I haven’t written a blog post at highlyirritable since my traumatic live view of Wild Kingdom a few weeks ago, because I’ve been busy doing some original word organization about feelings and stuff in other places.

I had an article published in Canadian Family magazine in their May edition, and I will link to it when it’s available online. You should probably just go and buy the magazine, because, yeah, it’s that good. Also, thank you to the lovely folks at Canadian Family for the gig. My own Canadian family now remembers what red meat tastes like.

iVillage.ca was also kind (and daring) enough to have me aboard this month. I write here about feminism and motherhood, and why my kids are not allowed to shingle the roof.

I was also thrilled to guest at The Mouthy Housewives in their advice column. I guess they figured that since I clearly have so many problems myself I would have several stock solutions in hand. Here’s hoping!

I had quite a rage-filled weekend with a piece of small lawn machinery that hates me, but I calmed the stormy waters by partaking in the relaxation offered by a bottle of wine and some self grooming. Here’s some tweets about it. 

If these don’t prove I have some issues with self-governance, I should tell you that it was also my son’s 8th birthday this week and I bought him a full size drum set.

I think I used the word “also” like a hundred times in this post. You’d think that someone who claims to love words so much would have some better words, but the thesaurus is all the way over there and I just sat down. I’m tired, okay? My lawnmower slapped me in the throat three times and I CUT MY OWN HAIR. And you know what? I’m not even spell checking this.

If you’re telling me I’m crazy, please – talk louder, AS I CANNOT HEAR YOU OVER THIS BASS DRUM.

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