Sunday Selfie

February 3, 2013 | Posted in Beauty, humor, Weekly Round-up, Writing | By

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This is a test post from my newly downloaded WordPress mobile app, and also a reply to those of you who have emailed to ask if I was dead.

Which I am not. Except I’m not sure because something horrible called “My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding” is on TV right now so maybe I’m in hell?

That Selfie above is to test the parameters of the mobile picture upload. Hot, right? Sunday is a “no-brush ” day around here, which is a natural segue to “rat’s nest” Monday and then “low self-esteem” Tuesday.

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WEDNESDAYS.

I may not have posted here a lot recently, but I am having a blast writing for MamaPop.com. Here’s what I’ve written in the last few weeks if you are so inclined.

Which you are, right? (Remember low self-esteem Tuesday? DON’T MAKE ME SWITCH DAYS.)

Bradley Cooper Searches for Sole Mate

Guy Fieri Opens Winery, Grapes Everywhere Cry “Oh, The Humanity!”

Conjunction Junction What’s These Neck Wrinkles Function?

Hopefully this works and I can blog on the fly now. Not that I will, mind you; but that I can.

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Sundown, you’d better take care (and also something about facial hair.)

November 4, 2012 | Posted in Family, Health, Parenting, Weekly Round-up, Writing | By

Sunset, Daylight Saving Time

Last night was Daylight Saving Time for many people. I love the “fall back” time of the year, mostly for the early darkness that goes with it. It almost like nature giving you permission to go to bed earlier, which the old woman I am becoming appreciates. Plus, less sunlight = less visible wrinkles.

A few nights ago I was in bed and I was thisclose to falling asleep when the phone rang. The telemarketers around here are unbelievable and have no reverence for things like meal times or primetime programming schedules. Who calls this late, I wondered. How badly do people need new windows/air duct cleaning/lawn care/Conservative party propaganda robo-calls that they’re willing to risk calling at this late hour?

It was 8 o’clock. In the PM.

I love the early bedtimes of autumn.

I like warm houses fogging your glasses, slow-cooked oven meals, the smell of wool mittens drying on heating vents, pink cheeks, the rumble of snow blowers, and pond skating.

Here are some other things I loved this week:

Bloggers providing/organizing help for Sandy victims - if you’re too far away to physically help, or you can’t afford to donate, you can donate blood because that’s free and you probably have an extra pint or two anyways. Contact your local Red Cross: Canada here, and the United States here.

If you got some free time this week (and if you don’t – make some) how about planning out an emergency preparedness kit? Here’s a starting point for you. That’s the freaky thing about unexpected events – they’re so unexpected. There really is no city completely safe from having some kind of emergency. Even if you live in an area completely devoid of risk from earthquake, tornado, hurricane, or snowstorm, you’re going to be glad you’ve got those extra rolls of toilet paper and a topped-up Ativan prescription if your mother-in-law comes to visit over the Christmas holidays and stays until Easter.

On the positive side of this past week, there was this:

Halloween Candy

Halloween Candy Haul – child #2

And this – the thing I wait ALL YEAR for:

Beautiful moustache

I mean, COME ON.

I’ll leave you with that beautiful image. I hope you have a great, hairy-faced, warm-soup, foggy glasses week.

You can also find me at MamaPop this week. I was there twice this week, writing about how Randy Quaid should run for Prime Minister of Canada, and how Taylor Swift, Angelina Jolie, and Kate Moss are just like us! No really, they totally are!

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Anyone got a pet bear?

October 28, 2012 | Posted in humor, Weekly Round-up, Writing | By

Hungry-bear

I smell misogyny and stupidity around here somewheres…

When I was in grade four, every few weeks our teacher would get the “This bullshit is not what I signed up for” look on her face, and we knew what was coming. Those were the days we’d get an extra long recess, and once inside she’d announce it was “Ketchup Day.”

“Ketchup Day” was actually “catch-up” day. She’d have us correct each other’s spelling errors and finish our chicken-scratch longhand journal entries. We’d complete construction paper art projects that lay fading on the sunny window ledge, and generally do whatever the hell we wanted, provided we left her alone to read the newspaper, and – I’m fairly certain – sob quietly. This post is not that kind of catch-up, although I will understand if you cry after reading it.

So; the week:

I don’t get political on my blog, but it’s probably fairly obvious where I fall on the left/right spectrum if you’ve read here for more than a week or so. But political affiliations aside, there is some Capital N Nutso bullshit going on down there in the States. I’m not much for the MMA Fighting circuit, but I would donate all the hair on my head to see Donald Trump and Ann Coulter fight each other in a Celebrity Death Match. I just do not understand the hatred and vitriol behind their intentions.  I’m not going to make jokes about Donald Trump’s hair, or Ann Coulter’s “pointiness” here. Instead, let’s concentrate on where the ugly really shows: in their words, and in their actions.

As for the nice this week, I found out that my writing portfolio was reviewed and accepted by The School for Writers at Humber in Toronto. It’s a year-long program where writers concentrate on a single piece of their work, while working closely with a writing mentor. It’s a self-paced program, so I won’t need to be in school full-time, thereby meaning we probably won’t starve to death this winter. Probably.

I also wrote in some other places this week. I wrote about Christina Aguilera’s hatred of underwear at MamaPop, and over at iVillage.ca I’m talking about why I’d rather shave my armpits with a grapefruit spoon than take my kids snowsuit shopping.

And The Huffington Post featured me in their round-up of funny parenting tweets. Any time I’m called funny and it’s not in reference to my appearance, I’m happy. If you’re not already on Twitter, you need to be. Come over.

My blog was also featured by WordPress.com as “Freshly Pressed” this last week. It was great for having new visitors, and I have a long list of blogs I’d like to visit back. I was out of town and without my computer when I found out I was going to be featured, otherwise I would have dusted and perhaps put out a cheese and cracker tray.

Have a great week, everyone!

Oh, except you, Donald Trump and Ann Coulter. I also kinda hope you’re both eaten by bears.

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