| Posted in:Writing
The internet is a real paradox. It brings out both the best and worst of people, and while I love that so many of us get passionate online about political ideology, current events, and worthy causes, sometimes internet commenting can get to be just a bit much. (Have you read anything on “YouTube” lately?)
Online discussion can provide a wonderful forum for people who want to get involved in their communities, and sharing opinions and opening dialogue often acts as springboard for debate.
I have a few requests. Today’s Tip Thursday is devoted to ensuring the best in high calibre discussion, so pay close attention. This list is culled after reading hundreds – if not thousands of internet comments, and from that number, I’ve taken notice of the most common problems.
- Physicality. In any argument, make sure you make reference to physical traits, sexual preference, age, hair colour, or religious affiliation. We all know that someone is what they look like, so don’t let anyone forget it. For instance, I have a questionable hair cut, so naturally one can conclude that I am an idiot and a bitch. Oh wait; I think I’m a bitch because I don’t wear dresses? I can’t remember. I must be blonde.
- Language. Please, swear as much as possible. The internet isn’t censored, so why are you not taking advantage? If you can’t think of a synonym for “ignorant,” try “asshole.” Can’t remember how to spell “misogynistic?” Use “dickhead.” (Bonus points for using curse words as adjectives, nouns, and verbs. Super bonus points if you do all three in one sentence.)
- Facts. Simply put, who needs ‘em? In their absence, suggest research is “lefty propaganda,” or perhaps voice your opinion with the caveat “but whatever; that’s just me.”
- Spelling and grammar. These are the cornerstones of effective written debate, and therefore, have no place in internet discussion. Got it, shithedd? That was to see if you’re still with me. Add three points if you caught it. (PS. “Points” actually mean nothing here, but studies show people love points.)
- Punctuation. If youre mad and in a hurry when you type don’t be concerned This will actually serve to also further confuse the reader proving how stupid they are anyways right.
- Conjecture. Throw in some random conspiracy theories. People who don’t believe in conspiracy theories are probably just breathing in too many jet chemtrails… (See also: reference to pinko commie/lefty propaganda.)
- Rationality. Should someone try to enter into the conversation using such things as clarity, facts, or intelligence, you must immediately shut that shit down. Gather the troops, link up, and share away. This type of intelligence discourse must be avoided at all costs. Knowledge is power and that’s not good for anyone.
Now, go forth and argue effectively!
If you’re having trouble finding something to get fired up about, I’ve got quite the dossier on Ann Coulter, and there’s always Fox News.